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So your toddler who has slept through the night for more than a year is now waking up at three every morning. You are exhausted. The whole family is walking zombies. What happened? You thought you had succeeded at one parenting goal: sleeping through the night, check. Here are six tips to consider to determine why your little sweet thing started becoming a night owl and to get them back to sleep.
1. Is the child eating or drinking something late in the day which could be affecting their sleep? When our children were young we would usually go out for pizza on Sunday evenings with our church friends. We started having issues with the children waking up in the middle of the night and it was always Sunday nights. At first, we thought it was due to a different night routine and that the hyped up time with their friends caused their restless sleep. They would cry out and act dazed with unrecognizable words. Finally, my husband started offering them a drink of water and they would drink it all down like a camel in the desert and be right back to sleep. Eating salty restaurant pizza, later than our normal dinner time, made them thirsty. Did we give up the pizza nights? Nope, the friend time was too important, but on Sunday nights we started putting a cup of water by their bed and we were rarely awoken again. Think about your child’s meals and drinks. Are they thirsty? Is that last cup of milk keeping them up? Is there some hidden caffeine in a snack or dessert your family enjoys?
2. Think about their exposure. Does your child seem scared when they formally were not? Consider what changes might have happened in your family recently. Is there an ill grandparent, a pet who died, did you and your husband have an argument, did the family watch a movie with “scary” scenes like Toy Story 1? Children often process these things at night when it gets quiet and dark.
3. Check their room. Does your child seem scared of their room or the dark when they didn’t use to be? When our eldest was two or three, she suddenly started crying about not going to bed. At first, it seemed to be only on nights when we were driving home from being at friends. We thought she just didn’t want to leave her friends and go to bed. The drive home was dark and long as we lived on a farm. However, she started putting words to her concerns by saying, “the man”. She had a walk-in closet and we thought maybe she was scared by that but that didn’t seem to be it. We looked under her bed together and no man was there but still, she persisted. This went on for nights, but not every night, and she would always settle down and go to sleep. Then one night when we were going through the usual routine of double-checking the room, I laid down on the bed with her to say her prayers. She slept in a big girl bed which was the canopy bed my dad had made me. We only had her bedside lamp on that night, no overhead light, and I saw him. I saw “the man.” The light cast just right on to the edge of the canopy ruffle overhead to make the perfect profile of a man right above our daughter. I yelled for my husband and I showed him what she saw and we immediately flipped up the canopy and showed her it was just a shadow of the light. I am not sure she totally understood this but “the man” was gone and mommy and daddy had taken care of it.
Lay down with your child and see what is happening in their room. Are there shadows? Do you have a motion sensor light that is going off and on? Does the wind blowing through the tree limbs cause dancing arms on their shades? Investigate and believe your child because something is scaring them.
4. Consider using a white noise machine. Is your child waking up at the exact same time every night? Sometimes this happens because they started waking up for whatever reason, a dirty diaper, a stuffed up nose, etc. and now their internal clock is set to that time. Sometimes though it could be due to something you don’t realize is even happening. Does a train go through town and blow a whistle at the same time your child is waking up every night? Maybe the neighbor leaves early for work and fires up their diesel pickup. Is a tree limb scratching the window in the wind? While many parents are hesitant to start using a white noise machine lest their child becomes unable to sleep without it, sometimes it is the best solution if you cannot change the trigger which is waking your child. Consider turning it on after the child falls asleep or setting it outside the door.
Set a cue for your child to know it is okay to get up/holler for mom or dad. If your child is consistently waking up a little while before it is time to start the morning, you may just have a naturally early riser. First, you may want to push back their bedtime a little if this is feasible. Often, they are too tired and grumpy at night to do this so your next best bet is to devise a system so they know it is okay to be awake but it is not time to be noisy or get up. There are several cool products on the market to help with this. Again, the white noise machines like this one can be set to change noises. For instance, my granddaughter is an early riser, so once it is 6 a.m. her mother switches to the tone to birds chirping so she knows it is okay to get up. Prior to that if she still hears the rain, it is still quiet time. Since their bedrooms are very close and baby brother is next door, this helps everyone out. Some parents use this clock, which uses light to cue the child when it is okay to get up and be verbal. You could also design your own non-technical cues. Some might use natural light but for those where the time changes due to daylight savings, this isn’t so practical.
5. Resist the urge to just take them to your bed. A friend with grown children recently told of how one child wanted to sleep with them every night and would try and sneak in their bed which would mean no rest for mom. She tried making him a mat on the floor but he quickly would sneak back in their bed. Finally, in desperation, she left a mat on the floor outside their door and locked their door and every night he would climb out of his bed and end up on the mat. His sister got spooked by an untimely smoke alarm test which spooked her out of her room. She never wanted to get in bed with them but was content to lay on a mat by their bed. This obviously was not the sleep arrangements this mom would have ever planned to do, but it worked for the season, it comforted her children and everyone got their rest.
Another friend just moved to a new home and her eldest is insisting he cannot sleep alone in his room and wants to go bunk back in his sister’s room like they used to do. Mom and little sister have both said no and so now he has taken to sleeping in his closet. Sometimes you have to give up the details to win the battle. Everyone is sleeping so if it doesn’t look perfect (boy tucked snugly in a traditional bed) does it really matter in the long term? Probably not.
6. Finally, don’t overlook the possibility of a medical reason for your child’s sleeplessness. Bedwetting, sleep apnea, allergies and probably a host of other possibilities could be preventing your child from sleeping. If the sleep issues continue and a simple solution doesn’t fix it, be sure and speak to your pediatrician about the possible causes.
I am not talking about failing to respond to your child and to check on them. A dirty diaper, a diaper leak, a wet bed, a sick stomach, fever, etc. are all reasons to check on your child. Usually, however, these cries are completely different. These are all suggestions for the child who has developed a sleep habit who is impeding everyone’s rest.
In the meantime, if you are reading this, chances are you are missing your sleep. May I recommend my “7 Tips for Power Napping.” I have had sleep issues my whole life so power napping has been my survival tip. What are your survival tips for exhaustion? What has worked for fixing for your toddler’s sleep habits? Comment and let us know.
