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I have been writing about Affluenza in the past three posts (first post here) and in this final post on the series I want us to consider if it is possible that Affluenza has infected our souls?
Affluenza: “a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” from the book “Affluenza“
I began thinking about this in the past couple of years while I have been decluttering and downsizing. I continue to be amazed every time I work on emptying a box, cleaning out a closet or decluttering a drawer, at how discouraged, overwhelmed and frustrated I feel. While the finished product of a less full space is rewarding, the time and energy it takes to get that point is exhausting. I think how did I get so much stuff? Why do I have this? What does this say about me that I thought I needed this?
My stuff is a huge distraction.
My stuff is a waste of time and money.
Okay, not all my stuff, but the stuff that is excess and unnecessary.
Just the presence of the stuff, even if it is behind a closed door, can be a distraction.
A distraction from better, more soul-filling things.
My stuff can be soul-draining.
Recently, I was hit again with this soul-draining feeling when I went on another round of box emptying. While one of my sons was home for a few weeks I had him help me get all our personal and company files digitized. It was a paper frenzy at our home.
Then along came Emily P. Freeman’s new book, “The Next Right Thing: A Simple Soulful Decision for Making Life Decisions”.
So what is the solution? One of Emily’s suggestions is to make room for silence in your life. We are afraid of the quiet. Think about it. When was the last time you sat in complete silence? As a culture we hate silence. Why is that? Perhaps it is because it means we will have to listen and contemplate and name the source of our soul clutter. Look for silent moments, when you are driving alone or when you wake before the household, when you take a shower or when you arrive at work before everyone else. Emily says…
“Rather than filling these times with sound, or holding on to the soul clutter by rehearsing past conversations or future possibilities, decide instead to let yourself be quiet inside the silence and see if your friend Jesus has anything to say.”
So once we start making some room for silent contemplation in our lives, how do we tackle the never-ending stream of decision making? In the past, I have used two methods. One I learned from Donna Otto, the other is a throwback to my accounting days. The first involves listing the roles I have, in order, based on their importance. For example, when I was a young mom the list looked like this:
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- Accountant
- Daughter/family member
When I had to evaluate what was on my schedule, I had to keep in mind if it was helping me fulfill these roles or taking me from them.
The second method is the old standby where one lists the pros and cons of two different choices. Emily discourages against using this system because most give equal weight to each side so if the pro side has five choices and the con has 10, one would automatically choose the con side as winning out. While I agree most probably do look at this type of decision making this way, I usually weight each item on the list rather than only comparing totals. Something about laying out all the factors this way always helped my accountant’s brain evaluate my choices, however, life has changed for me. My roles have changed. Lately, neither of these methods seem to help me make decisions, but a suggestion Emily makes in her book does.
Instead of making a pro/con list, Emily suggests making a “Life Energy List”. When you come through a season and are starting on the next, pause. Take a few minutes to list what was “life draining” about the last season. Then list what was “life-giving”.
First choose a category of your life to evaluate, for example, relationships.
Second, choose a time frame to examine.
I have been trying a new system of goal setting this year based on the ideas in the book “12 Week Year”. I set my goals for the next 12 weeks rather than for the year. Emily uses a similar method but she adds the Life Energy List in her evaluation of the past three months and in her planning for her next three. You could choose a different time frame, preferably shorter, not longer.
Looking across your calendar and your goals with the thought of what is “life-giving” and what is “life draining” gives one a whole new perspective. It is a little reminiscent of Marie Kondo’s Kon-Mari method of sorting through your clothes and household goods for “what sparks joy”. The reality is we will all have a few “life draining” events or responsibilities which we need to attend to fulfill our duties, but what items do we have on our calendars which simply no longer give us life but we keep doing because we are worried what others might think? Or because we think we must do them to “be a good mom”.
“What other people say about me is none of my business.” –Robert Heyen
As for those “life draining” responsibilities which we simply must do, what if we re-framed them in our minds? Instead of caring for something or someone as a “duty’, what if we considered it an opportunity to directly serve the Lord? Would this then move the item off of the “life draining” list on to the “life-giving” list? Could this help clear out some soul clutter?
Grocery shopping for instance. It can be so life-draining but we do it because it is life-giving to our family and we serve them by feeding them, therefore we serve our Lord.
Emily’s book is great for those of us who suffer from decision fatigue and are “our own worst enemy”. You will find her short chapters, which end with a prayer and a challenge, to be deeply thought-provoking, authentically relational, and very practical.
Even if you don’t choose to read her book I hope you will think about how you make decisions. Also, consider checking out her podcast “The Next Right Thing”. It’s free and I guarantee you will find it to be peaceful.
I hope you think about clearing some clutter from your soul today.