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In the midst of your frantic strife to keep all of your family’s traditions this holiday season, step back and ask yourself, “Am I keeping all of these traditions because they really matter to everyone because they are the glue that binds our season together, or I am keeping them because I have convinced myself it is what I must do to have the “perfect” holiday season?”
If you have young children, now is the time to start establishing reasonable traditions for your family. Don’t think that every single tradition from your family needs to be carried on in your own family. Most likely your husband’s family has some traditions he would like to see continued for his children too, but now is the time to make your own traditions. This is an opportunity to start some new traditions that help unify your family as its own unit.
If you have older children, now is the time to start asking them what traditions are most important to them. There are seasons in life when you may not be able to keep every holiday tradition, it might be nice to know which traditions your children value most. Is it the decorating of the tree the first Saturday after Thanksgiving while playing Christmas music? Is it a holiday open house your family hosts? Maybe their favorite traditions involve food and the making of special cookies, candies or meals.
For some, a certain little elf is a big tradition. Others spend time giving back by singing at local senior homes or volunteering at the soup kitchen. I know families who always attend their town’s holiday parade and others who run in the YMCA’s Turkey Trot or the Jingle Bell Run. Many families’ traditions involve travel, whether it be to see extended family or to a favorite cabin, theme park or ski slope.
When I was growing up our big tradition was going to my cousins’ who lived on a ranch. My dad always had vacation time to use and their dad had cattle and horses to attend to, plus my grandparents lived on the ranch too so almost every year was spent there. Since we always wanted to be there for Christmas Eve, we usually had our own family gift exchange on the 21st, 22nd or 23rd. I loved this in one way because I got to open my presents early, but the anal-retentive side of me always had to change the name tags that said “Don’t open until December 24” to reflect the actual date. While there were some years, I wished we could have more actual Christmas Eves at home, the Christmases with my cousins are some of my best memories.
My children grew up getting to be with both sides of the family most years. There were years I really wanted to stay home but we knew that the opportunities we could go to our grandparents were numbered and those memories with their cousins have bound them together forever.
Traditions come in all shapes and sizes, but one is not necessarily more important than another. What is important is time spent together as a family unit, growing in unity and creating shared memories.
A few years ago, I realized (urged on by my husband) I needed to quit trying to do everything. Two of my children had left home and I decided many of the things I did were probably because I thought they needed to be done. So, at Thanksgiving, I asked them to write down one or two traditions which really personified the Christmas season for them. Well, the answers surprised me a bit. What shouldn’t have been a surprise is that I got four or more different answers! I guess it was wishful thinking that my four diverse children would pick just one thing that meant everything to all of them.
One asked for pumpkin pie, another said opening stockings on Christmas morning. Another liked decorating the tree with the music playing and another said playing games together and having party foods on Christmas Eve. It wasn’t my little Hallmark village from the movie “Sarah, Plain, and Tall.” It wasn’t their ornaments from every year or lights all over the exterior of the house. It wasn’t dad’s holiday car collection. Oh, they love all these touches and would ask if they are missing but when it came to dragging them all out and helping put them away, well they were deemed unnecessary.
So, can you guess where I focused my efforts? I decorated less and focused on making sure I kept their special memories alive. (Of course, I put out the village for me and the cars for dad.)
As we move into this crazy, wonderful season, where you will focus your limited energies? Consider doing less shopping, and more of what is really important. Teach your children about giving back to those with less. Use this special season when people are more open to being generous and to receiving generosity. Perhaps attending a holiday play, musical or concert could take the place of buying too many gifts which your children don’t need or have room for. Maybe a trip or experience will be their only gift; one which will give memories for years, long after the physical gift would have worn out or quit working.
It is okay mom, to rotate traditions. You have permission. You don’t have to do it all every year. If you are the one telling yourself you have to, then stop. If your family members, or one, in particular, has expectations, help them adjust their expectations by giving them a list of traditions they can be in charge of. Don’t let others rob your joy of enjoying the holidays with your children. They will only be little for a short season.
May you have the brightest and least stressed holiday season ever this year.